Let me start by saying we went to Marben for Winterlicous. To many restaurants, this means serving sub-par food; I say, if you can't hold your standards for Summerlicious/Winterlicious, don't do it at all. Isn't the point to reach out to a larger clientele and showcase what you can do? Apparently, Marben didn't think so. Also, why do restos create "new menus" for the occasion? Are people not good enough for things on your regular menu? Okay, enough of my ranting and let's get down to the food. Another spoiler alert: There will be more ranting.
So we got to Marben on a Saturday afternoon, 12:30 pm to be exact. Take note of that time; it is important. We sit down, get some wine, look at the menu and are ready to order. I'm so excited about the dessert: Nutella creme brulee. Right, right? The server comes over and informs me that they have run out. It's 12 bloody 30 in the afternoon; how the fuck can you run out? The other two desserts on the menu are a vanilla panna cotta and a chocolate truffle - yeah even a monkey could tell you that everyone would probably order the creme brulee so make enough! My brain just can't process this. Utterly ridiculous.
We got some average foccacia to start and then the catastrophe continued. The steamed PEI mussels arrived with chorizo, lemongrass, ginger and chilli. Note to the chef: lemongrass doesn't work and has no business being close to mussels. Sorry PEI for ruining your mussels. It had this weird flavour going on. OMG, I know what it is! It smelled liked my foot balm! That's an image for you.
We also got the smoked potato and truffle soup, which tasted like smoked potato and truffles. Moving on.
I tried the Zarazuela: Spanish seafood "stew" with shrimp, squid and octopus. This was more of a curry consistency, which was fine, but mostly tasted like "fancy" canned tomato soup. My apologies to all the seafood in it - you died for nothing.
The other main was John's burger. The gooey aged cheddar cheese burger was cooked to a perfect medium rare (yay, there's something positive in this review. Didn't think that would happen) but what the hell was with all the sweetness? Perhaps it was from the Branston chutney? This burger has no business being a main; move it to the dessert list! I get that the chef probably wanted a balance of spicy and sweet, but this was a major fail.
At this point, I didn't care anymore and neither did our server. We told him about all the food when he asked "How was it?" after each course, but after the dessert course, even he didn't bother to ask us how it was or even offer us coffee. To his defence, we're glad he didn't ask; we didn't care for much of anything anymore. Haven't our tastebuds being tortured enough? Apparently not.
Dessert is usually the saving grace of a meal; not today. The vanilla panna cotta was tasty, but a bit gummy, not the usual jelly-like consistency, and if you boast about it having grappa, I bloody well need to taste it. No dice; I guess I'll just do a shot of grappa at home.
The other dessert was also an abomination - chocolate and olive oil truffle with red pepper raspberry. It was a thick, dense dollop of chocolate truffle, which looked sadly at us and said "just eat me and save me from more embarrassment." I think everyone just gave up; wait, that means that they tried. Where is Will Smith from Men In Black? I need this memory erased.
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